Everyone has their trials and tribulations throughout their life, and how we cope with it is often an individual thing. It’s what we do to learn from these difficult times that can make the difference as to how much we learn.
For me, I couldn’t start to really gain anything from my past experiences – my divorce especially – until I accepted that it happened, that there was nothing I could do to change the situation and that ultimately it happened for a reason and I’ve actually come out the other side happier as a single Dad than I was as a married man.
Accepting the situation allowed me to let go of negativity and be happier than I had been in a long time. Don’t get me wrong. It has probably been the hardest and most emotional road I’ve been on in life and I struggled big time for ages. Counselling was a key thing for me – I needed to get things OUT and not bottle it all up. I was frustrated, angry and very very worried about how the situation would affect my 2 kids. The last thing I ever wanted in life was to have them be from a ‘broken home’. Once I knew – through conversations I had with each of them at various times – that they were truly well adjusted and were just being teenagers going through the normal life changes that they do at their ages, I began to relax and that is when the acceptance kicked in and the true happiness was born.
At this point, I felt SO happy, exhilerated almost, that I had a kid of an epiphany. It might even be a sliding doors moment. My mental health definitely deteriorated as a result of my divorce – my life’s dream was shattered. Whilst it took time to heal and get to this point of exhileration, it was then that I realised that I could help others by speaking openly and honestly about my experiences and the affect it had on my mental health. This blog is an example of that. However, I came to the realisation that I could use my turnaround to greater use and I have made the decision that I will help others who may be struggling with their mental health as well.
I have a friend who is right now only at the start of her journey as she only recently separated, so I reached out to her because I was concerned for her state of mind, knowing how my situation affected me. Since reaching out I have found that the simple act of catching up for a coffee and going for a bike ride has helped me as much as it seems to have helped my friend. I was rapt when she said that she has a renewed confidence for attacking her situation and has accepted that this is how her life will be. She just wants to be the best Mum to her daughters.
Did I do anything special? Probably not, but I have found that helping others to talk about their problems unburdens their minds and also their hearts and allows them to accept, grow and move on. To become the best version of themselves that they can be.
It certainly worked for me in my own life.
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