It is said that there are only 2 certainties in life – death and taxes.
Whilst this is true, I think I want to add one more – you have total heartbreak when you don’t get to see your kids every day.
I’ve been separated for over 3 and a half years and divorced for 1 and a half, and whilst I marvel at the resilience that my kids show every day – at least on the surface – I wish I had their strength. You might think that 3 and a half years is a long time and that I should be used to things by now, and to an extent I am. However, nothing – NOTHING – compares to the emotions I feel whenever I have to say goodbye to my 2 kids. Even though they are both teenagers and are forging their own identities, I feel responsible for their situation and constantly blame myself for how it has come to this point. Not all goodbyes bring the tears but the fact that I have to say goodbye to them at all really stings me. I know that I was not the perfect husband but I’m human and I often feel like I just want to give up work so that I can devote as much time as possible to them. Most days I struggle to feel strong.
I am a sensitive person and not the strongest of personalities, ie. I’m pretty introverted and some might say boring, but I am ME and part of me is taken away when the kids go back to their Mum and I feel empty, hurt and less of a man because I had a role to play in their life situation. The last thing I ever wanted was for my kids to be part of a ‘statistic’.
Anyway, no matter the circumstances of how we got here I will always have a duty as their Dad to provide my kids with a positive and nurturing environment but sometimes that is f****** hard to do. It is important to know that it is not weak to reach out to people you trust. Touch base with those people in your support network – your friends, family, colleagues – that you trust implicitly and talk thinfs over. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and reach out because these people won’t judge you. I have done that recently and will continue to do so whenever I feel a bit low.
Friendship provides a boost to your self-confidence in tough times and I know from my own experience that you feel stronger for having reached out.
Stay strong.
Health-your-self.com 