CONFIDENCE. It’s a commodity that sadly not all of us have but, with the right amount of personal reflection, we can grow into it.
Personally, I have suffered from self-confidence and self-esteem issues from a very young age. Why this is so is unknown to me for the most part – I guess I have always seen everyone else as better at things than me or are more intelligent than me or they just simply appear externally to have the ability to do anything well.
I’ve had hard knocks throughout my life which may have – in fact I’m certain they have – contributed to how I perceive myself and how I relate to people. But everyone has hard knocks in their lives and so that doesn’t set me apart.
I’m now 55 years of age and divorced. Living to old age with beautiful children and grandchildren was my dream so when I separated and divorced I might have seen myself as a complete failure, further denting my confidence. Perhaps for a time I did and I am an emotional person so I felt it sting me badly. There are many things I could have done, some of them not so good, but over time I chose acceptance of my circumstances, acceptance of my role in my failed marriage and acceptance of the most hurtful fact being that I would not see my children every day. Surely this would dent anyone’s confidence, right?
So the questions to ask yourself at this point might be:
Am I strong enough to get through this? YES YOU ARE. Do I have any reason to go on any more? YES YOU HAVE. Will I come out the other side a stronger person? YES YOU WILL.
Once I started accepting my lot in life – including financial difficulties I still suffer today due to decisions made because when I felt at my lowest – and began making concrete decisions to improve my situation and outlook, I have become far less burdened by unrealistic views or expectations of myself. I know that I’m not the best at everything, or indeed anything, compared to others but I’ve stopped comparing myself to others and ostensibly trying to be someone I am not. My own confidence has been amplified many times over by accepting, and again I’ll mention the Serenity Prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference
So what is confidence? It has many elements and I’ve compiled a list of what I see as some of these elements:
COURAGE. Have the courage to accept and be YOU. It is not narcissistic to love yourself.
OWNERSHIP. Your characteristics are what make you who you are.
NEVER GIVING UP. You CAN overcome any adversity – just persist.
FALLIBILITY. Flaws – of character or physical ability – are okay.
INDIVIDUALITY. Love yourself first, because that’s the person you will be spending the rest of your life with.
DISCOVERY. Instead of being afraid to try, take yourself out of your comfort zone and experience a whole new world. You never know what opportunities or experiences are waiting for you!
EMPATHY. Be nice to your old self. It was hard for them and it will still be at times, but don’t judge them – walk alongside them.
NURTURING. You are NEVER too old to learn.
COMMITMENT. Being a healthy self takes courage, time and a little patience but if you stick at it you can become the best YOU that the world deserves to see.
EDUCATION. Personal struggles can define a part of who we are, or determine how we act at certain times or in certain situations. Continual reflection – self education as it were – will solidify the discovery of that best you.
To finish, here is a quote from American author Madalyn Beck:
“Start over, my darling. Be brave enough to find the life you want and courageous enough to chase it. Then start over and love yourself the way you were always meant to.
Health-your-self.com 