Self doubt. Heightened self criticism. Unrealistic self expecations. Lack of confidence. Worrying about what others think of us. Trying to please everyone else.
Are these weaknesses? Perhaps. Are they more like personality traits and characteristics of our being? I’d say so.
Whether they be weaknesses (usually of the mind) or perceived deficiencies in our personal make up, they CAN be overcome. These things have all been a part of my life for as long as I can remember and, to this day as a middle aged man, they still take a very strong hold over me and they way I deal with things.
For example, in my current job I am performing a role where I am supervising a number of staff (4 to be exact) who all have far greater experience and know how than I do. I find that terribly confronting as I am the “Team Leader” yet I know less than they do. How can I lead them when I don’t have confidence in myself to be a good leader? It doesn’t help that I have always preferred being a sheep than a shepherd, but I know that at some point I have to step up and move north of being one of the team and be their leader, whilst still instilling and maintaining a team focus where everyone gets on and work gets done.
So what can I DO or how do I tell myself that I am good enough to be a leader whilst not really believing it? I think that the first thing for me to do is to take ownership of my past opinions of myself and critically examine why I thought that way. Yes, I grew up in a time when Dads were working long days and on weekends they were outside doing things around the house and yard so I never got much one on one time with my Dad. Is that his fault? No. I perhaps overcompensate that with regard to my own 2 teens, but that has as much to do with being a single Dad, given that their Mum and I are no longer together.
I can’t recall any single event or experience where I began to think less of myself compared to others. I think that it has just come naturally to me. I was one of 7 kids and the second youngest so I was often left to amuse myself, which was not altogether a bad thing. I was always uncomfortable in bigger groups, even in team sports. I am still a basically shy and introverted person to this day. I don’t feel comfortable telling others what to do, lest I get some kind of negative reaction – confrontation is not my thing. I am better at taking the blame and, as a supervisor, hoarding the responsibility so that I protect my subordinates from copping the blame when things go wrong. I have no issue with accepting my fault at such times but often things spiral out of control and I leave others with a greater mess to clean up.
From today, I don’t want to be like that any more.
From today, I am no longer going to be afraid to question things if I feel they are not right.
Self doubt will become the ability to question the how/why/where.
Heightened self criticism will become the ability to tell those I answer to that I am not sure if I have the capability to undertake what you are asking, so help me get there.
Unrealistic self expectation will become a considered and measured approach to whatever task is ahead of me and an honest assessment on my part of how this will get done and a realistic, humanly possible, timeframe in which to achieve it.
Lack of confidence will become an honest self appraisal of my skills and the beginning of a search to find the skills I need.
And now the 2 most important ones:
Worrying about what others think of us (me) wll become an inner agreement with myself and an inherent belief that, shy or otherwise, I AM a good person and I deserve love and respect as much as the next person.
In my job, I will no longer aim to please and I will focus on just performing the task and completing it as directed. I promise myself not to place any greater emphasis on the task than what is warranted because I know that, ultimately, if I don’t do the job well enough then my employer will simply roll another person off the production line who would probably be more skilled and/or suitable the type of task in front of me.
In my life, I will give more of myself and if I am not someone else’s cup of tea, then that’s good. As a really true friend said to me a while back, you can never be everything to everyone. From today, I vow to stop doing that myself.
Health-your-self.com 