Hardships are an inevitability for us humans. We are an eclectic mix of nationalities, personalities and characters. We’ve all had different influences growing up, even though your next door neighbour’s kid is from the same class as your kid and you’ve known them all their lives. Given the diverse nature of our humanity, the hardships will vary. For example, I can never imagine what it would be like living in a desert setting. Perhaps as a city slicker growing up I’m too used to creature comforts and the familiarity of suburbia.
There are much greater hardships to cope with in life than adapting to our environment. The loss of a loved one is the hardest thing I’ve had to go through, and I’ve done it 4 times. It has been a long time since I first experienced such grief but I still miss them terribly. Not having those close to you around anymore is tough but I know that somehow I have to get up each and every day, to keep putting one foot in front of the other and make the most of this life that they had taken away from them so cruelly. It’s not for them that I need to do this – it’s for me. They would not want me to wallow, especially after this amount of time, but to get on with things and live my life. They would want me, above anything else, to be happy.
Therein lies the choice we all have to make with our lives. Ask yourself how happy you are – with work, relationships etc – and be truthful about your responses. You only get one chance at life and you need to make the most of it.
For me, I’ve made – or had forced upon me – difficult decisions and had circumstances where I had to survive or come crashig down. In my personal life, this happened when my now ex wife told me one day just under 4 years ago (quote) “I can’t live like this.” We had had our issues, but nothing that I didn’t think we could overcome without some open and honest communication. Sadly, that communication never eventuated. The first year was toughest, although it’s been a hard road the whole time. So what did I do to get through you may ask? Firstly, I accepted that whilst blame in every situation such as mine is shared, I also accepted that there were things about me that needed to change before I could live a happy life. I found the acceptance of my faults and failings, both in my marriage and my opinion of myself in general, a very cathartic process and I could often feel an almost palpable sense of a great weight being lifted off of me. I no longer took my divorce out on myself, but my greatest concern was that my 2 children came out the other side as well adjusted young people and I am glad to say that this has happened. This is what makes me most happy. I then took a look back on my relationship, how we were as a couple and as individuals. I found that we were simply TOO different, despite the saying of opposites attract. Opposites can also be a lethally bad combination – the process of my separation and divorce made me realise that my relationship had kind of run its course, so I was able to move on.
Have I made mistakes since then? Absolutely. I tried replacing what I had and thought that I needed someone in my life to be truly happy. As it turns out, all I needed to do after accepting the situation and my part in it was to CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY and to make positive moves to do so. I know now that I am better off being a single Dad than a desperately unhappy husband in an unstable marriage. I’ve faced and continue to face many difficulties, primarily financial, where life is a struggle but you know what? I’d much rather be poor, single and happy than comfortably, married and totally miserable.
CHOOSE TO DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.
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