A Brave Life

“The real bravery in today’s world is doing for each other what is right and proper.”

This is a quote from the character Billy O’Shannassy in Bryce Courtenay’s novel “Matthew Flinders’ cat.”

In the book, Billy is a once-upon-a-time successful barrister whose marriage falls apart when he takes to the bottle. Billy had demons from his past and chose to hide away inside a bottle, and as a result he was not the best husband and father. Billy ultimately became an alcoholic and found himself sleeping on park benches and relying on welfare.

One morning just after he awoke, Billy crossed paths with a young lad named Ryan, who himself had had a rather difficult few years of life and was a child of the streets of Kings Cross. Billy befriended Ryan and saw a chance to make a difference in the boy’s life, but before he could do so Billy had to confront his own demons, which primarily consisted of how much of an absent and/or distant father to his own son, and which amplified when his son died.

To cut a long story short, Billy proactively took steps to mend his own life and get sober and found a way to assuage his guilt about his son by helping Ryan get himself off the streets of Kings Cross and have a chance at life. It is pleasing to say that Billy succeeded.

So you might ask what it is that I’m saying? I know that Billy’s fictional – but altogether too common in real life – circumstances are different to a lot of people, and in my own case are nothing like mine. However, there are many different ways to display courage. For me, that show of courage was about accepting the new path that my life took after I separated and ultimately got divorced. It was about being the best father to my own 2 children that I could be, to always be there for them and no matter how I was feeling to put on a brave front for them, to be strong for them, to provide an example for them that said “Dad is okay”.

It was not always easy of course, and privately I had some terribly emotional moments thinking that I had failed my children. I just wanted them to feel safe, happy and loved. There were elements of my separation that did not sit well with me but I knew for my childrens’ sake that I had to look past that, to get over whatever resentful feelings I had, and be the best father I could be.

I have always been hard on myself but I have eventually come to the conclusion that I was not solely to blame and that I am a good Dad. To allow myself to believe that I am a good person and can be a good Dad, irrespective of other people’s opinions of me was THE hardest thing for me and as such was where I needed to be as brave as I could be. This was important because without allowing myself to be positive within myself then I was never going to be the best Dad for my kids.

As a parent, it is the right and proper thing to be there for my kids, to teach them about and guide them through life. By finally allowing myself to get past whatever hurts I have been subjected to and move on, I am in the best frame of mind to be the Dad they deserve to have.