Life reboot

It is often a difficult thing to place ourselves on one side of the Nature v Nurture theory.

According to Dr Google: “Nature is what people think of as pre-wiring and is influenced by genetic inheritance and other biological factors. Nuture is generally taken as the influence of external factors after conception, eg. the product of exposure, experience and learning on an individual.”

I personally see myself as a combination of both. I clearly have characteristics – be they physical, emotional or phsychological – that I can identify as being from either my Mum or my Dad. For example, I am much like my Mum in that I am a very affectionate and empathetic person and always have time to listen to someone and their troubles. However, congrously, I am much like my Dad in that I find it hard to allow others in and for me to let myself unburden myself on others. I am not sure why that is.

I have always had a deflated sense of myself, and have always seen my burdens and problems as just that – mine. I’d always prefer to keep things to myself apart from my closest one or 2 friends, to keep the proverbial brave face. Is a trust thing? I don’t believe so. I think it is more a reflection of my self esteem – I don’t see my issues – or myself – as being important enough to burden others with. I never felt strong enough within myself to see a way out of problems or to allow myself to accept that however I am, I am good enough and worthy enough to be a positive part of society. Sound melodramatic? Perhaps it is, but for whatever reason – be it Nature or Nurture – I have had this life long sense of myself as being just ordinary and not as good as others and allowing that to be the all pervasive thought in my head.

Thankfully, that thought process has been turned on its head somewhat, and funnily enough I have my separation and divorce to thank for it. When my ex wife said to me just under 5 years ago “I can’t live like this” I was sideswiped I knew we had issues and accepted my part in that, but I never prepared myself for the ultimate ending of my marriage. I wasn’t strong enough emotionally to deal with it. It has been THE toughest 5 years of my life, but they are now fast becoming THE most rewarding.

Does that sound weird? Perhaps it does, but it has all come about because I have looked at myself, who and how I am (the Nature and Nurture of me) and found that I am indeed okay as a person. I have been given characteristics by my parents and through my upbringing and external influences that have made me the middle aged man I am – one who is comfortable within himself, who has accepted himself and likes what he sees, and who is willing and more than happy to GIVE of himself to others. I am happy being me and don’t hold back.

You could say that I have grown up at the tender age of 57. I had become disillusioned with work, having done the same job for 39 years. I had known no other way since I was 18 and I wanted to do things that interested me. This is partly due to the way I saw myself in my youth and until my divorce. I needed help with my emotions and had only a couple of really close friends to confide in, but I also knew that I had to something about it myself. By accepting myself, I could then accept the situation. I was able to be a better Dad to our 2 kids, and knowing that they were okay made me okay. It just took a lot of time. I now feel that I am in a position to help others, as I have helped myself through my own torment.

So, if it sounds mysterious it really isn’t. I have chosen to retire and do things for myself from now on. I am rebooting my life, while I am still young enough (at 57) to enjoy the things I love to do, to spend more time with my kids at their vulnerable ages (17 and nearly 15), to focus on my health and wellbeing and to seek more gratifying ways to give back. I want to mentor people of all ages that they are strong enough – just like I found out about myself – to carry on regardless of the hurt that they are experiencing. I want to nurture the best out people and help them to see the worthy person inside themselves.