I have struggled with self-esteem and self-worth issues since my early teens (and probably longer), and I recently started seeing a psychologist to try and find out the why’s and when’s and wherefore’s.
At my session a couple of days ago, it was put to me that my struggles and nerves about “Am I a good Dad?” stem from the fact that my Dad was always busy at work for long hours or away for work or doing stuff around the house each and every weekend that I never had the “template” (my psych’s word) on how to talk to me son.
He is going through a tough time at the moment because he feels left out. He deleted his Instagram account because he said that it only shows his friends going to parties and he wonders what is wrong with him because he never gets invited. How do you address that? He has heard it from me almost daily that he is a beautifully natured, kind young man and that it is not a reflection on him that he is never invited. I encourage him to be himself and let these ‘friends’ suffer the loss of his presence, yet I still fret and worry every minute of every day that I have taught him enough about resilience to not worry about that.
I suffered the same lack of self-confidence at his age – he’s fast approaching 18 – about wanting to be popular especially with the girls. Having been through that cycle of self-doubt and not seeing yourself as worthy of that attention, affection and even love it is absolutely heart wrenching and even with many kind words and loads of support from friends it can sometimes feel nigh on impossible to get through unscathed. I distinctly remember a number of times during my life (and at all stages of my life) that I had someone right in front of me who was interested yet that lack of self-worth and confidence blew that chance before I even had begun to realise what the situation was before I spurned it and it never came back.
Do I blame MY Dad for not being there to give me the “template” for negotiating this minefield of emotions and negativity? No. I honestly don’t. The circumstances of my childhood were what they were, they were vastly different times in a social sense and there was also not the ability to lose yourself in ‘screen time’ for hours on end to get you enticed into a world that I see as extremely superficial.
Yes I am biased but my son is a wonderful, caring, kind and compassionate young man who just needs to believe in himself and that the person he is has value. I am still getting to that point myself and I have been where he is now. He knows that I am there for him whenever he needs to talk about things – I just couldn’t stand it if he had his heart stomped on.
He’s grown up just like me. My boy is just like me.
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