Growing up is hard, and whilst this phrase no doubt conjures up images of yourself as a child, teen than a young adult, I think the same could be said of any age.
Age does not discriminate when it comes to learning, both about practical things in life but also – and in my opinion most importantly – about ourselves.
When I think back to my youth and into my teens, I wanted to feel accepted and be part of everything. I’d try anything or say stuff that I thought might make me a cool kid and a part of the crowd. Reflecting back on those times now, I can see that I was trying so hard to be someone I’m not, or wasn’t. I thought the true me was too daggy or not very interesting so I would say things or go along with things just to feel a part of all that was going on.
I put that down now to a low self-esteem and self-image. I know now that I always had that and I was anxious to be liked. It was, and is, no way to live but I don’t judge my younger self for anything that happened or things that influenced me when I was growing up. I was one of 7 children and believe it or not I only had 1 Mum and Dad so it was hard to compete, and I’m not even sure that that is the right word. As I grew older I became not so much of a recluse but I really enjoyed my own company, although looking back now I can see that I suffered from great anxiety but this doesn’t often register with a little kid. At that age I was just wanting to make – and keep – as many friends as possible.
When I got into my late teens I got my first girlfriend when I was 18. I had no idea what I was doing (and I probably still don’t!) when it came to relationships. Going to an all boys school for the last 9 years of my formal education meant that I did not socialise with any girls other than my sisters. As such I was once again full of anxiety and fear about trying to be part of something and as such I could not allow the real me to come out, so I was failing miserably, right through my twenties and even into my early thirties. I had no faith in myself and it became a self fulfilling prophecy to the point where I’d either endure a date where I couldn’t say a word out of fear or I would not even try. Disastrous!
Eventually I got to my mid thirties and decided that it would be okay if I never settled down and had a family, even though it had been my dream since I was about 15. As such I relaxed into myself, as it were, and this enabled me to enjoy life more. I was still crap and full of anxiety about what might happen if I met someone but I no longer let that fear and anxiety take over. I got very good at hiding it.
I’m now in my mid fifties and I’m helping to raise 2 beautiful teens. Their Mum and I are divorced and I can’t help worrying about how they are coping with life sometimes, but it is seemingly not crippling like it was for me so they must have gotten that confidence from their Mum! I marvel every day at the young adults they are becoming and I just pray that they carry that confidence with them always. I certainly hope they don’t judge themselves too harshly as I did to myself.
Health-your-self.com 