Firstly, Happy New Year to everyone.
We have just left another difficult year behind us. No matter where you are in the world, life was challenging at best in 2021, as it was the year before and I know we will all be stronger for the experience. Battling with restrictions over the COVID pandemic helps put a lot of our own struggles into perspective.
Having said that, and as I am personally closing in on 4 years of being a single Dad, I have battled much more than societal infringements and restrictions due to the pandemic. I still find it tough to this day reconciling the end to my marriage. I know that I am human so I was never going to be the absolutely perfect husband, but although I know that I tried my best I still have some strong feelings of resentment and often anger – almost bordering on hatred – as to how I got to where I am now. I often feel like a piece of discarded rubbish, and this is where these negative feelings stem from.
So what can I do to reconcile these feelings and live my life in a way that makes me a great role model and Dad to my 2 teens?
The first step I took was to allow myself to FEEL these emotions. There is nothing wrong in feeling angry, let down, discarded – it is how we deal with these emotions and whether we allow them to physically manifest themselves in actions or words towards others that is important.
Secondly, I didn’t act on these emotions but chose to FACE them. I gave myself permission to accept that these feelings existed. I allowed myself to stew on them, come to terms with them and ultimately to be a better and stronger person for learning to live with their presence and using them to drive me rather than throw vitriolic words or angry actions in the other direction.
After all this mental anguish and dealing with negative feelings but ultimately wanting to move on, I focussed on the one thing that I wanted after I separated and that was to make sure that my kids were happy and well adjusted and I think I have achieved that from my end. I feared that they might not love me once I was no longer with their Mum, that in some way they might blame me for their situation. I should have had more faith in them – and in my role as their Dad – because even though I only see them 50% of the time I am left in absolutely NO doubt about their love for me and that they are far stronger mentally and emotionally than I perhaps gave them credit for.
So what is the end result of all this? I still have a bit of stress about things on occasion but I have finally found a happy place in my mind and have a positive mindset every day and I feel FREE. Being a single Dad isn’t so bad!
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