To be sure

I am not a psychologist or mental health expert but I can say from experience that feelings of insecurity and uncertainty about oneself are manifested in many ways.

For me – and for whatever reason – I have never seen myself as superior to anyone else. I have a mate who played Aussie Rules at the highest level for a decade and I am in awe of that achievement, and I see him up on a pedestal for achieving something I could only dream of.

The question I now need to ask myself and find an answer to is, why do I feel inferior to others, even if they are or were an accomplished professional athlete?

I have begun searching for those answers in true earnest lately and I am determined – with the help of my psychologist – to solve that mystery. I AM a good person and I DO treat people with respect and courtesy, but on the other side of the coin I can be quick to judge others from first impressions. Maybe that is what I have done to myself to form this opinion of inferiority?

I know that I am and always have been hard on myself when I fail or do less than great at something, but I am now realising that I place that pressure on myself before I start. I expect too much from myself instead of just taking each moment as it comes. My golf is the ultimate manifestation of that. It is like I feel that I need to be perfect all the time to be seen as worthwhile. But why do I feel that way and why does it matter?

It will take me a while to get there but I am slowly starting to see and understand that it is okay to be sure of myself and to not be so good at some stuff. It is trying that is important, rather than cowering away and never even having then opportunity to be good without trying!

My latest mantra is to just let myself and everything just BE. Being a good person to others is all well and good but I need to be that towards myself.

No time like the present, to be sure (of myself).