Losing someone close to you is heartbreaking. I don’t think it matters whether it was expected or not. When a friend you have known for 40 years is taken away, you (or at least I) begin to question my priorities in life. I was tossed into this unfortunate situation a few nights ago.
I have had my share of heartache – in various forms – from the deaths of siblings to those of my parents and then also a separation and divorce. I have come through it all eventually and become a stronger and better person as a result. It wasn’t at all easy. I learned a lot about myself as time went on, and I at least hope that what I believe to be a stronger and better version of myself has shown itself to my kids, my family and my friends. Even my work colleagues.
I guess what I am saying is that after suffering all kinds of tormented emotions going through each instance of heartache and loss, I did not allow the opportunity to take stock of my life going forward to be wasted.
You might be asking yourself “what makes him believe that he is a stronger and better person?”
What I tried to do is accept each loss for what it was. The 2 siblings I lost passed away due to unnatural causes so there wasn’t much if anything anyone could do. My Mum and Dad were both 87 when they passed away and it was just their time. As such, I decided that my responsibility to myself (and by extension to the world) was to take all the good from having lived a part of my life with those people and the shared memories and to use them as a guide to a positive attitude to move forward.
I did the same after my separation and divorce, although this was much Much MUCH harder to get through, I guess because it was my family dream being shattered. All I ever wanted to be was a Dad, and I’ll admit that for the first probably 5 or 6 years I held a lot of hidden resentment which I struggled to rationalise and compartmentalise. I know now that I was allowing my emotions take charge, but that was because I knew I wouldn’t get to see my kids every day. Seeing my kids show the resilience and courage these past 8 and a half years has shown me that I can survive it too. I can survive anything that life throws at me.
Which brings me to the point of this post. I knew Troy for over 40 years and even though we were completely different people and from 2 disparate walks of life, he was still a really great friend and he is sorely missed already. Being only slightly older than me, Troy’s passing has given me another opportunity to place my own life and things I do into a clearer focus and an appropriate perspective. Life your life while you have the chance.
There is no tomorrow, so live today.
Health-your-self.com 