From boys to men

My son will turn 18 in just over a week’s time.

You could say that at the moment he is a typical teenage male, not very confident in himself and not really very communicative when things might be bothering him.

I see my son now as the identical twin to myself at the same age. I lived through all the anxiety and lack of self confidence, the times when you froze or chose to do nothing instead of taking a chance. There is still a degree of that in me today but the bulk of it and the emergence of a more confident self literally took years – and instances of great heartbreak and emotional upheaval – to achieve. I wish I had the tools I have now to use back then. Life MAY have been totally different but it might also have turned out exactly as it already has, but at least I might have been more capable of speaking up for myself or encouraging myself to have a go when my instinct was to do the opposite.

Fast forward to the present day and I am faced with the identical situation with my son. I know that he suffers from the same or similar anxieties that I did, primarily involving fear when communicating with others and feeling that he is not interesting enough. He told me one day last week after I picked him up from school that nobody talks to him and he only has 3 friends (other boys he hangs around with) that he feels he can talk to and who take the time to talk to him. He assured me that he was okay but don’t all teenage boys say that?

I know that I can’t coach him in what to say in any given situation, and all I can do is to remind him of how such a nice young man he is and to believe in himself. His Mum bought him a book on how to start with small talk and build conversations from there. I guess it is up to him to decide how to approach people but I can feel his crippling anxiety. He just has to face each situation in life as it comes and remain the respectful, well mannered and polite young man he was brought up to be, whilst at the same time maintaining a sense of his self worth and not allow others to take advantage of his kind and gentle nature.

The experience he gains from facing more situations that take him outside of his comfort zone as he gets older will enable him to build that confidence and the fear will hopefully abate reasonably quickly. I hope my son does not have to go through the same or similar experiences that I did before his confidence starts to bubble to the surface.

The journey from anxious teen to confident self assured man is an awkward, confusing and lengthy process and it is only just beginning for my beautiful son. His journey begins in a few days’ time, and I can only hope that I have provided him with the love, support, guidance and wisdom to make choices that are the right ones for him. He is stronger than he knows or gives himself credit for. The world deserves to see the wonderful young man that we have raised and who has so much to offer. I hope the world looks after him too.